being light

At one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. 

Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in 

all that is good and right and true)

and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 

making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Ephesians 5:8-10, 15-16

Remember this post? It is in the same spirit that I reflect on my attitudes and behavior now, just a few weeks later.  I think it's right and good to have checkpoints for yourself.  Otherwise, how can progress be made?

Just as I proactively guard what I expose myself to (whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, etc), and how that affects my thought-life, I've got to monitor what my outward actions - my "walk" - looks like.  How will anyone know that I am in the light if the only light that I let affect me is all in my head?  It's got to manifest itself outwardly!  Others should be able to see a difference!

And lately, I fear that has not been the case.

I fear that I love too much about my life to really let God be God. That (mis)placement messes everything up.  If I don't let God have His place of sovereignty - of authority - in my life, I put myself and my desires in His place.  Actions follow mindset.  I do not, therefore, obey God, but myself and what I want and think is best for my life (read: selfishness, sinfulness, pride).  And how can that but manifest itself in my behavior?  I do really well sometimes, in submitting to God's will, but lately I haven't been satisfied in that.  I want more.  It doesn't really matter more of what, exactly... but my state of discontentedness is not consistent with a lifestyle of light.  

One of my favorite psalms of David (one that I go back to time and time again for conviction, for comfort, for wisdom, and for encouragement) is Psalm 16.  Hear what he has to say about this.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. 

I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord;

I have no good apart from you."

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:1-2, 5-6, 11

Do I believe that?

Do I truly believe that He is the only good I have?  Do I believe that He is enough?  That He is the way to peace and joy?  That pleasure, even, is found only in Him and the things that He gives?  That He has shown me the path that I must walk, and has made me capable of walking that way?  

Along with guarding myself from the worldview portrayed by the media, I have to choose to choose God above myself and what I naturally desire, what I think will bring me satisfaction and pleasure.  

I must "set the LORD always before me; 

[and] because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken!" 

Psalm 16:8

Then, and only then, can I live a life apart.  Only then can people see my life, my walk, my attitudes and behavior and say that I am and child of light.  I love the quote attributed to Ghandi: Be the change you wish to see in the world.  Only then, can I be that change.  Left to my own devices, I am nothing if not incapable.