Happy Thanksgiving from the Trivits family!
I know it's typically at the end of the year that we reflect and "see how far we've come" and all that, but it seems all too appropriate to express thanks on the day that's set aside specially for giving thanks. We have been so very blessed this year - in some crazy and unexpected ways.
It has been monnnnnths since I've posted, and that's because I was in the midst of transitions. A lot of 'em. And I've been processing through them. Mostly to myself. Or, mostly to Kevin.
Some of these transitions you probably know about. Like being me being pregnant. It was a textbook pregnancy (barring that hiccup of PUPPs at the end that seemed to signal my imminent labor). But in the span of those nine months, Kevin and I have moved twice; had a total of three roommates, a slew of visitors; had issues with finances tax-related, tire-related, rent-related; had changes in our work situations, good and bad; had highs and extreme lows in ministry; and have strained to keep our marriage a priority throughout it all. Bear in mind, all this with my overload of hormones and a natural bent toward deep introversion.
I stopped singing. I stopped reading. I stopped journaling. I stopped trying. I watched Friends for hours upon hours. I cleaned like I was certifiable. I sulked and whimpered and lamented the state of things. I tried to buck up. I tried to power through. I tried to submit to God's will, which clearly all of these transitions were. I tried to be transparent with Kevin and my close friends. I tried to be an understanding, gracious, loving person. But I just wasn't… feeling it. During this time of huge transition, in this regard, nothing changed. I had a bad attitude, secretly or not-so-secretly, for nine months.
Then, a week before our precious miracle, Daphne Rose, was born, I realized that none of this was me. None of this was mine. Not my house(s), not my time, not my money, not my job, not my ministry, not my friendships, not my space, and not my will. These are things that are given to me; I'm a sort of steward not owner of these gifts, responsible for using them for others not selfishly hoarding them till I see fit. Nothing is mine.
And for this, I am grateful. It takes all the pressure off, doesn't it? When I don't have to question how I "use my resources"? It's answered for me. Use them for others. God gives me permission to bend over backward for people: it's not just something I'm allowed to do when I'm on the clock at Starbucks, where customer service is actually everything. I'm allowed to serve others without reservation, without expectation of return, and without thought for my personal convenience, or even happiness.
This newfound understanding was the pièce de résistance to my nesting. This home is prepared, as much as it can be, for the arrival of our daughter. And by home, I - of course - mean myself. If I'm not willing to sacrifice all for this child, what am I doing with this life? Who am I?
So, I am overwhelmingly grateful.
I'm grateful for the transitions.
I'm grateful for the hardships.
I'm grateful for a husband who stands up to me, prods me, but doesn't take my feelings for granted.
I'm grateful for a healthy, beautiful, precious baby girl (I can't get enough of her! Thanks for letting me plaster your newsfeeds with so many pictures)!
I'm grateful for learning experiences: roommates, financial decisions, and communication with friends.
I'm grateful for supportive family members and friends who in turn encourage and admonish me.
I'm grateful for times to reflect, evaluate, redirect, and move forward.
Now, as I look toward the end of the year, Kevin and I are settling down in our home sans roommate, avec baby. After nine months of transition, we are landing somewhere. Settling down. And we are receiving blessing upon blessing with the understanding that it's all for the purpose of giving it away.
And now, another picture of my adorable little pink princess. Just for fun. :)
