Friday, December 19, 2014

so long, colorado.


In 10 days, the Trivitses are packing up and heading out back across the country!

For this next season of our lives, especially now with Baby Number Two on the way, we are feeling the particular importance of being near family. So, we'll be starting the next chapter of our lives setting up our home in Delaware!

We are excited, too, to be closer to friends from college, to prioritize Kevin finishing his education, and to continue serving God wherever we land!

Even as we look forward to being back on the east coast, though, the feelings are bittersweet.

We will miss Colorado.

This is our home.

Kev and I moved out here six months into our marriage, and this is where we added Bilbo and Daphne to our family.  We became a family.

And that's not to mention the family we found out here.

Dear Starbucks family, you will never know the impact you had on us, on me. You loved us as only Coloradans can. You accepted me as a friend when it's been hard for me to make friends.  You took care of us when Daphne was born. You welcome us back every time we stop in, even after I stepped back to be a "stay at home mom". Thank you for the friendships, the laughter and good conversation - but thank you for the community. (P.S. Howard Schultz, I think, would be proud.)

For the families that loved us at First Baptist: we will miss you, and expect to stay in touch! Thank you to the youth group for a fun (though sometimes challenging) two years of ministry. Not a few of you made an impact on our lives - you know who you are. We love you and will see you again.

Goodbye, Idaho Springs, you crazy little mountain town. Thank you for Tommyknockers, and football games, and long walks by the river, and fireworks, and your quirky, interesting, genuine people. We hope to see you thriving whenever we come back for a visit.

By faith, we made our way here. And now, by faith, we journey on.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

so, we wait


"Think about the things you can do - how flexible your life is right now! 
Do you really think you're financially stable?
You've only been married two years!

"This is how I imagine people will respond to me saying that my heart breaks when each month rolls around, and I am still not a mother. When I see pictures of new moms and their babies, expectant ones with their enormous tummies, I despair. I know I'm not alone in this feeling of sorrow, but good discussion is not really happening, either. But it's starting. Think of this as a companion piece to this one, written by my best friend and true confidant through times like this. I'm following her lead.

"On this topic, I don't speak up; I'm not brave. It's as if I'm ashamed of this "inability". There shouldn't be shame: it's a godly sorrow. I'm like Hannah in 1 Samuel. She went to the temple "deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly." Month after month, I feel as though I am literally pouring out my soul to God, with the assurance of faith that He will answer. Months come and go, yet I have no reply except to wait. So, we wait."


I wrote that last year... the day before we found out we were pregnant with Daphne.  And now, as I read it, aching and weepy due to the memory - and the fact that I'm eleven weeks pregnant with Baby Triv #2 - I'm overwhelmed with the fact that life is full of mystery and anticipation.

What an appropriate theme for this season.  Anticipation and Advent go hand-in-hand.  The mystery of the coming of God as a tiny infant human; the anticipation of the universe as all is to be set right. As this is the first time I've lived the Christmas season expecting a child, the beauty is remarkably real to me.

2014 has not been an easy year for us.  There have been extreme highs (primarily because Daphne radiates joy) but also significant lows and disappointments.  Events have made us despair of our desire to live in an often cold and distant state (emotionally and geographically, haha), caused us to doubt God's purpose and calling, and feel like failures in ministry and relationships.  When our things were stolen (though some were eventually returned) we lost hope in the justice system and felt the despair of not having our cause heard and upheld.  I hope I'm not overdramatizing the year we've experienced - I realize we are better off than others - it's just that the hardships we've been through are nothing like I imagined life to be.  God answered our heartbroken prayers for a child, and now we anticipate His healing of this past year.  He will continue, mysteriously, to works things out for our good and His glory.

So, we wait.

We wait for this chapter to end.

We wait for the day when we will be taken care of as a family, protected by a community if not by the law enforcement, acknowledged for our obedience to a call to ministry.  This may not be what God has in mind for us, even in this lifetime, but still we wait.  We anticipate the day that all is to be set right.   Come, Lord Jesus!


Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, 
we do not lose heart.
...
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; 
perplexed, but not in despair; 
persecuted, but not abandoned; 
struck down, but not destroyed.
...
Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away, 
yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us 
an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, 
since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:1, 8-9, 16-18 NIV