he's just not that into you

This movie...

While hugely entertaining, and a rather incisive view into our generation's view of relationships and dating...

Angers me on so many levels.

The dating stuff, I think, is true.  Accurate, and relatable.

But the view portrayed of marriage is disheartening. 

(Understatement.)

Just two quotes to consider:

People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others. 

OK. There was this guy who worked in my dad's printing business. Married for 15 years to a nice lady. And then he meets this woman at some church event. And he told my dad he just had never felt anything like it before. I mean, he had finally met the love of his life. So, he divorced his wife, and he's been with this other woman for 22 years and they are blissfully happy. I mean, what if you meet the love of your life - but you already married someone else? Are you supposed to pass them by?

As a young-married that sees and experiences the sometimes daily struggle to remain faithful in marriage, I find this generation (and the generation or two before us) just doesn't get it.  That marriage means commitment.  Faithfulness.  For life.

It's not about finding personal happiness.
It's about making a choice to stay with the one you've committed to, to contribute and work towards one another's personal happiness.
It's not a selfish thing.
It's not about giving up once you've found the 'love of your life' after you say I do.  
It's about forsaking all others.
And it's difficult.

It's hard in this day and age when we're bombarded with movies like this that glamorize sexy affairs and selfish relationships.  It hurts my heart, and causes me to despair.  Because I, too, selfishly want that.  Romance that is forbidden.  New and exciting relationships.  

But I'm not stupid.  And I'm not lazy.  I truly buy into the idea that my husband and I have made a lifetime commitment to each other.  And though it will most certainly take work to keep our relationship exciting and new, I believe that it is worth it.  It makes me sad that other people don't see that.  That marriage is undervalued and misunderstood.

That all being said, the movie ends well.  The dude who has an affair is left by both his mistress and his wife.  And the couple who has been together for years and years finally decides to get married.  "The good end happily, and the bad unhappily.  That is what fiction means," to quote my friend Mr Wilde.  

I, however, fear that the truth is stranger (rather, sadder) than fiction.  In real life, marriage is treated as a temporary institution, one of convenience or fleeting romantic ideals.  But it isn't.  Marriage matters.  Real, life-long commitment and faithfulness matters.