i don't look back much, as a rule

No, this isn't my journal... but just imagine if it were...

The title of this post is misleading; it's a lyric to one of my favorite songs.  Truth is, I look back fairly often.  I like to read and reread my old diaries.  A lot.  Much of it ranges from incredibly irritating... to embarrassing... to outright disturbing, but on occasion, it reminds me of a happy memory that would have otherwise stayed unrecalled.  

Such is the case with this entry from September 23, 2008.  It's pretty sweet, and as we are coming upon our third anniversary at the end of this month, I thought it appropriate to share: the day I realized I was supposed to marry Kevin.  And this, five months before we even started dating, when I was on a self-prescribed "boy fast".  It's titled, First Day of Autumn.  Enjoy!

Mmmk... so I'm definitely smitten - which isn't at all what I want or need.  But Kevin is such a great guy!  He helped me out by coming with our group to NYC this past Friday (so I wouldn't have to third-wheel), and all Sunday, I hung out with him and his band... which was awesome.  But honestly - if I can flesh this out - he's everything I could want in a boyfriend.  I know that's quick judgment, but I'm just so impressed!  And I also know that he's very friendly and very comfortable with people - girls especially.  But he's such a protector.  And I just want to keep getting to know him - and he's so stinkin cute!

I need to prevent myself from being needy.  Confidence in myself - who I am as me.  Not that when this boy fast is over, I won't have a chance... I just worry so much that if I don't make a move, I'll lose my chance with him.  And the thing is, that's not the way God planned it.  If we're meant to be together, it's going to happen.  How dare I think I can manipulate God and make things work my way?!

I need to calm my childish self down and dwell on what I know to be true.  God is in control.  There is a cute guy who happens to be my friend.  I shouldn't change my behavior in the least.  I want the type of guy who is attracted to the type of girl I am - who I am, not what I might change myself to try to be.  Sigh.  I just want him to be part of my life.

For your viewing pleasure, two pictures taken the week we started dating.
As it turns out, we lived happily ever after.